Shtbugs Website
This is where i share thoughts, poetry and anything else! I wanna credit suboptimalism for the idea!
I go back to this picture when i feel sad and regain my will to live. My pic btw
I was walking home when i saw the poster. It was at the busstop. The text was red. "63% of Libanese women between the ages of 30 and 59 live off of your money, should we change that?" I didnt get it at first. I just stood there. Then i got angry. I got so, so, so angry. Imagine your contry is being ripped to pieces. You flee to another country. Its nothing like your home but the people are sweet and the government helps you financially so you are off to a good start. But DF(danish folk party(?))wanna change it. Yeah you heard that they want a "Denmark for danes" So im gonna do something not big but SOMETHIng cause this shits insane. Im gonna make a poster saying "What if your country was burning?" and put it on there. With tape. So it wont harm the bus stop but send a message.
It's been several months now and I'm sitting and talking to her at the back of the cool classroom. The boys insist on keeping the windows open so they can sit with their expensive North Face jackets inside. She talks about how dramatic she was over the weekend and how she sat in her room crying because she hated herself. She has a way of talking about extremely serious things with a humorous distance. Almost like a satirical description of a dramatic teenage girl. But aren't we all? Dramatic idiots who don't know what we're doing. I try to laugh because that's what she does. But when I see the cuts I freeze. Little red snakes slithering across her smooth skin. Like an unwelcome horde of invading soldiers. I rushed out of the room with an excuse that I had to go to the bathroom. Out in the bathroom I cried. Imagine that the one I love the most has to go through the hell I'm only just getting out of.
So there is this girl. Her smile makes my stomach twist and my heart miss a beat.She has the prettist hair on earth and black eyes. I stare at her when she isnt looking. She is everything i could possibly wish for. I made her a playlist and she made one for me. We walk the thin line of platonic and romantic love. Or, idk, i mean, I love her from the buttom of my selfpitying heart. She is simply the prettiest person one could know. But, yeah, she proclaimed that she is not queer in any way. But she'll suport her friends if they r. Yeah, until one of us is in love with you. I swear to god everyone is. I don't wanna be in love with you but i am. Period. And im so furious. Im so angry that i love you. I just wanna be left alone but you are living rentfree in my brain. And then you said you loved me you said you cared about me. I know you do but it feels like you are just messing my feelings up to one sticky mass of tightness in the stomach. 'Cause you dont like girls. You do not like girls. And i am a girl. And she is and you love her. And you propbably just lied when you said you loved me. (i really love you so much but i am so scared you hate me hence the extremely fat ass wall between us. So, hey, Mia, if u r reading this i want you to know that i love you so so so much and im sorry we dont talk anymore
I literally feel sick to my stomacch. I just wanna be loved so bad and im so scared the only girl who said she loved me loves someone else. Or... Maybe not even soemone else just yk not me. Also she is straight so it was probably just platonically. Also i dont want her fyssically i jyst want her to say she loves me and mean it. Im so scared i will never experience all i wish to experience. Im in my teens already. Im 14 soon what if, what if, what if. Man idk im just kind of scared. And she is so idk shes everything i can think of.
I want you to see warmth and comfort in the brown of my eyes.
And in the blue of yours i wish to see joy love and late night skies
i wanna kiss you with my dearest words
Carry your suit case if you hold my purse
I wanna close my eyes and feel noting but your heart next to mine.
Wanna cook you soup and bread when the illness hits your shrine
Notice the red stripes tearing across your earthy skin
Take your unwelcome thoughts and shove em in the bin
I wanna hug away the needles in ur brain
Wanna wash away your despair in the rain
Wanna share an apartment with my home
Wanna tell you all good ive ever known
Wanna lay intertwined when we rest
feel ur hearts warmth within your chest
Wanna untangle ur hair and braid it
Wanna make u see how pretty it is
Wanna make u love ur face as i much as i do
make u see the beauty in yourself too
I will love u as the sun the moon the rain the snow
if u were a dragonfly or spider that i want u to know
I wanna write u songs letters and pour my heart out
i wanna make ur heart speak out and aloud
I dont wanna own you but i would be yours if you asked
dont just wanna see you nude but vulnerable and unmasked
I wanna share our warmth till we are both cold.
I wanna hold your hand even if covered in mold
This is the character Tulippa from the moomins and the great flood. She lives in a flower and has blue glowing hair.